Fire and Rain

Whenever I hear the voice of James Taylor, the world stops turning:



Love.

Ouch

I'm in pain. It hurts to sit. You know the spot where your bum meets your thigh. Ya that part kills.

I rode a horse last night for the first time in 14 years. I used to ride all the time then my mom made me pick: a new horse or new skates. I choose the skates.

Apparently riding a horse is like riding a bike, you don't really forget, but if you haven't done it in a while, you're shaky and nervous to start with. In the end, everything went well, I stayed on and my bones are all still in tact. But oh how I wish to never have to sit again.

Brother to sister conversation

My Mom handing me the phone: Your brother wants to talk to you, you are in big trouble.

ME: Yo! Brother! What is up?

Brother: Where were you today? I tried to text you and I got no response.

ME: Sorry, my phone was dead so I left it at home to charge. Did you need something?

Brother: I almost got hit by a car today!

ME: Really?! What happened

Brother: I was so depressed that you didn't return my text message that I stepped out in front it.

Somebody shoot me or a blog full of long run-on sentences just like my brain.

I am driving myself crazy. I'm ridiculously stressed right now about the stupidest stupidest thing. It's so stupid I can't stand it.

I have another course tomorrow with Chris The Hot Instructor and I can't decide what to wear. EMERGENCY!

The course is in Grande Prairie which is about an hour and a half drive from where I am. I have to be there all day tomorrow for the course and then again on Friday to catch the plane to Saskatoon. So instead of driving 2 days in a row, I'm staying a night in the hotel, the same hotel the course is in, the same hotel Chris is staying in. Sooo I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to ask him to go to dinner with me, because he is so friggin cute and because dinner by yourself sucks way more than dinner with a cute boy, and because if I don't I for surely will end up with 40 cats, yelling at the neighborhood kids from my front porch with a broomstick in my hands. Because crazy cat lady is not a preferred future, it is of utmost importance that I look extremely hot whenever I am in his line of sight. THE PRESSURE IS KILLING ME!

The stupidest part: The guy lives in Saskatoon. THAT IS FAR. It's not like we are going to start dating or anything. Plus the odds of him having a girlfriend are super high. Especially since at the beginning of February, he did have a girlfriend who he watched Figure Skating with. Figure Skating. That sounds serious. Even if he did break up with that girlfriend, I'm sure there's another, cause the guy is just THAT cute. Still, even if there is a 1% chance that none of the above matters and I get the opportunity to have dinner with him and put my incredible charms to good use, then I need to take it and I need to look very hot while doing it.

AHHHHHH!!! *sob*

An observation, a confession: taking the long way to the point.

I started this post with the intention of ranting about stupid women. Fact is I don't think they are stupid, just lost and a little unlucky. They deserve better. We all do.

I am astonished at how often I hear stories of women who allow the men in their lives to treat them badly. I'm not just talking about abuse, although that is the worst of it. I'm talking about men who stay out all night while the women is at home with the kids. Men who berate and undermine. Men who dictate what's allowed and what's not.

Huh? I don't get it. I don't understand how anyone could allow themselves to be treated like that. Yet it happens all the time or so I hear.

I've never experienced a situation quite like the ones above, but this is as close as I will ever come.

I was once in a relationship with someone who was extremely selfish. Right from the beginning he told me that he was who he was and either I went along with it or I could leave. At the time I was desperate to be loved, so I went along with it. While he never treated me poorly, he made it clear that he was the only one who was important to him. For example, he refused to make dinner for me EVER. He would make dinner for himself, but never for me. We were together for a year and he couldn't tell you the names of my parents or any one of my 3 brothers. I guess he just wasn't interested in me.

One Easter I had spent a few hours cooking us dinner. Roast beef, mashed potatoes, an assortment of veggies, gravy, dessert. It was a feast. I did it all myself while he sat on the couch and watched tv. It was time to cut the beef and mash the potatoes and I was only one person, so I asked if he could come help.
Me: Hey can you come cut the roast while I mash the potatoes
Him: No, you can do it
Me: What did you just say?
Him: I said no, I'm not doing it.
Me: (screaming) ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I COOKED THIS ENTIRE MEAL AND YOU CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO DO ONE TINY TASK!
Him: *Shrugs shoulders.*
I was irrate. I finished by myself, dished myself up some food and threw the rest in the garbage. Fuck him. Do you know what he did? Nothing. Made himself a sandwich and said nothing. I knew then that I was done. DONE. I did not want that to be my life. He was who he was, and I finally chose to leave.

I know how easy it is to end up in a bad situation. I'm sure that had I stayed, the situation would have escalated into something worse. I had such low self esteem and I was convinced that no guy on this earth would think I was attractive. I thought that I had to take what I could get.

WRONG

It all boils down to respect. Self respect. Every relationship in your life should be based on mutual respect. Partners, friends, family... every relationship.

If someone doesn't respect you, then they certainly don't love you.

That's the point.

Hard on shoes

In the last 6 months since I moved to Dawson Creek, I've gone through shoes like a mother fucker. I'm hard on shoes under normal circumstances but nothing like this. I've thrown away 6 pairs of shoes. SIX destroyed beyond repair. That's a pair of shoes for every month I've been here. I have 3 more pair in the fix-it shop. One pair is an iffy fix, so that number could climb to 7.

It's sad, I really loved those shoes. Where am I going to find another pair of lime green pumps, or plaid pink platforms, or fake grey snakeskin slingbacks with buckles. WHERE??? Should I hold a memorial service of some kind? It feels like the right thing to do.

On a positive note: HELLO NEW SHOES! I think I will need at least two pair for every pair lost to ease the suffering. THIS IS GOING TO WORK!! I can feel the GLEE already!

Sure it's $$$$ but foot hotness is a major life priority.

A little snot

It was recently brought to my attention that I have yet to post a follow-up to the blind date I had back in February.

Following the date, I was pretty certain that I was going to hear from this guy again. I was right. Even though he was out of town for the next 2 weeks at work, I heard from him 4 or 5 times via text message.

His messages were always this: "Hi. How are you?"

How freakin' lame? I mean how am I supposed to respond to that for the 3rd day in a row? I only responded to about half of those messages and only once. I complained loudly that I was annoyed he couldn't be bothered to be a little more creative in his attempts to communicate.

Don't worry, the girls at work put me in my place and told me I was being a snot. I tried to defend myself, but in the end I knew they were right. Truth is, had I liked him, I would have thought those messages sweet and been flattered that he was thinking of me.

Not long after my being knocked off my pedistal, he texted me to let me know he was back in town. After a couple back and forths I got the feeling he was fishing for me to ask him out. That wasn't going to happen. If he wanted to go out he was going to have to ask. He didn't. I never heard from him again.

Suits me fine, I wasn't keen on him anyway. I know I can be a little snot (my mother has said it, many, many times) so I didn't want to be too quick to judge and I may have given it another date. The out was there and easy so I took it.

Better luck next time.

I really would like to find someone. I'd like to have kids and I'd like them to graduate before I'm forced into retirement. I don't really know what my problem is... I'm outgoing, intelligent, semi-attractive, and I have a great sense of humor. WHAT MORE DO MEN WANT???? I don't get it.

Maybe it's me, maybe my standards are too high.